The Voice Of Reason

be the reason for the conversation

Updated: Nov 17

This is an age-old conundrum. Should you stay at home or should you pursue a career? Momhood is hard. Let's put all our cards on the table. Being a parent is the hardest thing we will ever do. There is no definitive manual when we are gifted these new, shiny humans and how hard the road ahead will be.

To be frank, many of us need to work. We have mouths to feed. We have bills to pay. Unemployment is not an option. I honor those mommas who are fighting for a better life for their babies. Yet, I often wonder, who is happier? Is the working mother happier because she is fulfilled outside of the home? Or is the stay-at-home momma happier because she has the ability to be with her babies every single moment?

“Just as there is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child. There should be a song for women to sing at this moment or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name the moment.”Anita Diamant

I often tell the tale that pre-momhood I would think to myself that I will be the coolest mom in the universe. This narrative came to a screeching halt when I was reminded that I am mean, unfair, or brutal in my course corrections. Each teenager that wafts into my life (meaning my boys) reminds me daily that I have screwed something up as a parent. Bottom line, whatever choice we make as a parent will eventually be challenged by someone, somewhere.

My gentle entry into being a working mom was facilitated by the need to be around adults and foster my creativity. During this 20-year span of motherhood, I graduated from law school, graduated with a master's certification in life coaching, worked at an international Aupair agency and launched two businesses. I immersed myself in a career trajectory on the notion that my children come first. I always worked from home and I always had help.

According to the American Psychological Association: Mothers with jobs tend to be healthier and happier than moms who stay at home during their children’s infancy and pre-school years, according to a new study published by the American Psychological Association.

Researchers analyzed the National Institute for Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development data, beginning in 1991 with interviews of 1,364 mothers shortly after their child’s birth and including subsequent interviews and observations spanning more than 10 years. The findings were published in the December issue of APA’s Journal of Family Psychology®.

“In all cases with significant differences in maternal well-being, such as the conflict between work and family or parenting, the comparison favored part-time work over full-time or not working,” said lead author Cheryl Buehler, Ph.D., professor of human development and family studies, at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. “However, in many cases, the well-being of moms working part-time was no different from moms working full time.”

Mom guilt is a real thing. We are tested by our own perception of what we should be doing and what we are doing wrong. We are tested with every choice we make and are put under a microscope that analyzes every choice. The most important thing is to have a deep awareness of your needs and your family's needs. It is important that when you make the decision to work or be a stay-at-home mom, you are very firm in your stance. If you are grounded in your purpose, naysayers have no power.

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The marriage of routine and predictability is the armor many of us wear to protect ourselves from disruption. Our brains love habits. Our brains adore routines. When we are jarred out of an existing routine or habit our instinct directs us to flee. This fight or flight mechanism, while necessary to avoid harm, has been conditioned to alert us when things get a bit uncomfortable.

The place of comfort and routine is not a bad place to live because not all people are called to live on the brink. However, those who have heard a subtle cry that they are meant to live a big life understand that residing in the status quo is not enough.

If you are an entrepreneur or creative, you know the status quo is your worst enemy. This can be more of a challenge if you are an introvert. According to Very Well Mind, the word introvert is used to describe someone who tends to turn inward, meaning they focus more on internal thoughts, feelings, and moods rather than seeking out external stimulation. You might hear people use the words withdrawn or introspective as synonyms for an introvert.

I know this for a fact. I know that I have been tickled by the voice in the back of my head for years. This powerful voice has no name, shape, or quantitative algorithm. As mysterious as this message is, it is so familiar because it is my voice. It is the voice that knows I am not living in alignment with my purpose. It is my voice that tells me that I am not seeking fame or fortune. It is my voice telling me that I am destined to take inspired action. It is my voice reminding me of my finite existence here on earth.


Living on the brink is where we prepare for change. I made a vow this year that I would do things that really scare me. For example, public speaking is something I have avoided for the past decade. The idea of having a captive audience-focused solely on my words is frightening. Truth be told, I decidedly chose not to speak publicly after I blacked out arguing a case in front of a federal judge. I did not pass out, I did not make a spectacle, but I literally have no memory of my passionate plea for justice. I created a narrative of fear and protected myself from the dark cloud of anxiety.


This is how you kick fear in the face and live on the verge of change.

  • Attack your fears weakness. Fear loves isolation. Fear loves when you do not have anyone to talk to. Be proactive in changing fear's narrative and reach out to friends, online or offline communities, and family members.

  • Scare your fear away. Remind your brain that by not tacking your fear of _________________ (insert your fear here), you will be living a small life. Remind yourself that residing in your comfort zone will lead you to a lifetime of woulda, coulda, shouldas.

  • Take the leap, messy and all. Record a video, jump out of a plane, speak on a stage, start a side hustle and do it with gusto. Do the thing that scares you the most with the eye of a tiger. Do that thing and do it like no one is watching. After all, the moment you take your final breath don't regret that fear was the director of your life.

You've Got This--Jules

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We are all met with days that are not filling our cups. We expect one thing and are delivered a minuscule representation of what we think we deserve. These days suck. They are painful.

You expect a raise or promotion. You are passed over.

You expect a call from a friend or child. You are unworthy.

You expect applause from a job well done. You are ignored.

With each expectation we log into our brain, we are always met with disappointment. This is because our expectations are too high. We project our wants and needs on other people instead of fulfilling them ourselves.

The misnomer of a "full love tank" is destructive. When we expect others to validate our existence on this earth--we miss the entire point of living. We have no control over others. The only thing we can control is our thoughts.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. --Wayne Dyer

If there is one simple rule to live by, understand that how you approach your expectations is all up to you. We have been conditioned by life's circumstances, our genetics, and the people we surround ourselves with. Yet, these preconditioned notions are ours to redefine.

Redefine your brilliance. Redefine your circle. Redefine what you expect from other people. This simple rule of redefinition gives you the power to control what you can control. The one thing you can control is your thoughts.

Take your power back. Act with logic rather than emotion. Become the facilitator of your dreams.

You got this-Jules

For more inspiration listen to my podcast: Obsessed With Humans On The Verge of Change. We all have stories. It is the story that makes us real.

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