the real blog

be the reason for the conversation

You are not an island.

This past year and a half have been a reminder to me that I need people. Not just any "people" but people who hold steadfast to the same values as I. In fact, in the early days of the pandemic, my yearning for a community was so powerful that I started one of my own. I cheekily named it the "Squad" and for a year and a half, every Wednesday we met engaged in profound conversations that gave me the comradery that I craved. Every week for 75 weeks, I sat perched in front of my computer and led empowering and educational conversations on topics from the enneagram to racial healing (and everything in between).

Through this act of communion, 25 human beings that never would have connected in the "outside" world became the best of friends. And what's more, 2 weeks ago, I packed up my car and headed to the upper region of Wisconsin. Nestled in the thicket of ancient elms, I prepared to meet my community in person.

I hosted a 3-day retreat for these strangers (yet dearest friends) in the hopes of continuing our colorful conversations in the flesh.


When the first car arrived, my stomach was riddled with knots. Will this online community I created translate seamlessly into the "real world"? Three familiar faces sauntered out of the car. They were a bit disheveled and disoriented from a day of travel. As our eyes met, something powerful happened-there was no distinction between time and space. My dearest friends were here-and the reunion was life-changing.


Here are my top reasons for not doing this thing called life alone-

  1. Collective Wisdom- There is collective wisdom in surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals. This does not mean a homogeneous community of same-minded thinkers. It simply means that the group has a similar set of core values as you do.

  2. Pushing Our Limits- A powerful community pushes us to think differently and do more. A genuine group of authentic humans gently nudge us to reframe ideas that we have long held.

  3. Support And Belief- The side-effect of participating in the empowering space of a community is that you create a tribe that understands your story. When your path gets rocky you have cheerleaders reminding you of your strength.

  4. Borrowed Motivation- Quite often, I came to our weekly meetings depleted and well, lacking the energy I needed to focus. The energy that poured out during each session provided me with an electrifying feeling that motivated me to do better each day.

  5. New Ideas- Isolation, especially during the pandemic, often leads to a narrow way of thinking. The exchange of ideas allows for a fresh perspective that elevates our thoughts and actions.

Doing life alone deprives you of the rich tapestry of stories fellow humans have to offer. Doing life alone keeps you stuck in the monologue of your current situation. The power of having the strength of your community behind you allows you the access to believe bigger and do better. After all, isn't life better together?

You Got This-Jules

Check Out My Latest Community.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell and I are hosting a weekend of transformation. We are joining forces with men and women from around the globe to understand the power of disconnecting with toxic people and toxic situations. We will teach the tools to reclaim your life and start living the life you were meant to live.

Learn more about the life-changing summit.

121 views0 comments

Updated: Jul 2

19 signs of a toxic relationship.

If you think therapy is for the birds-you don't know Dr. Sherrie Campbell.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell drops truth bombs daily. She is the leading expert on how to cut ties with toxic people. Dr. Sherrie knows what she is talking about. This self-proclaimed "Chrissy from Three's Company doppelganger" may disarm you at first, with her perfectly coiffed hair and piercing blue eyes. The truth is, Dr. Sherrie is an intellect, who empowers her clients and readers with the tools to break free from relationships that are like poison to your soul.

Dr. Sherrie is an author, nationally recognized thought leader, and a regularly featured expert in TV and radio. Her accolades include her tenure as a blogger for the Huffington Post, weekly contributor for Entrepreneur, and Licensed Psychologist with over two decades of clinical training and experience. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2003, where and specializes in psychotherapy with adults and teenagers. If that is not enough, she prides herself on being a connected mother to her teenage daughter. What is more powerful, is that Dr. Sherrie brings to the table a personal account of how she was subject to years of manipulative abuse.

Dr. Sherrie inspired me. Well let's be honest, Dr. Sherrie mesmerized me with her personal story of living with a narcissistic family member. Dr. Sherrie's vulnerable account illustrated her struggle to sever ties, even though she wears the title of leading expert on the subject matter.

Quite simply, Dr. Sherrie was the target of systematic familial bullying. Dr. Sherrie paints a raw portrait of how cutting ties with this "home devil" was a dance she engaged in for years. Her heart-wrenching illustration displays how difficult it is to walk away from a person who has undiluted pleasure in making you feel worthless.

What does a toxic relationship look like?

  • Lying

  • Blaming

  • Criticizing

  • Manipulating

  • Overreacting

  • Invalidating or ignoring your feelings

  • Undermining your relationship with your spouse, kids, or other relatives

  • Creating drama or crises

  • Passive-aggressive behavior (such as the silent treatment, deliberate procrastination, or criticism disguised as a compliment)

  • Gaslighting (a powerful form of manipulation that makes you doubt your perception of what’s going on)

  • Refusing to compromise

  • Yelling, cursing, or calling your names

  • Belittling your values, beliefs, choices

  • Gossiping or speaking ill of you behind your back

  • Making unreasonable demands

  • Expecting you to help them, but they aren’t available to help you

  • Threatening suicide or self-harm in order to get their way

  • Ruining holidays and special occasions

  • Playing the victim

  • Not taking responsibility for their own behavior

In Dr. Sherrie's book, But It's Your Family she explains that healing comes with accepting that there are some relationships that are so poisonous that they destroy one’s ability to be healthy and live a full life. This best-selling book spells out clearly what it means to cut ties with toxic family abuse. She teaches you not to just survive but to thrive in the aftermath.

The Answer

Dr. Sherrie espouses the power of silence. When we are in an unhealthy relationship disengagement is key. Disengagement and silence are our superpowers. A toxic person delights in heightened responses. Toxic people adore tears and anxiety. When we disengage and remain silent to their manipulations, there is no ammunition for more hate-filled attacks.